Different English Styles (by Mrs. Styles)

At which point in our lives are we supposed to shed the inner-child of ourselves?  With me, I’m not talking my 6-year-old inner child who just wants her mom sometimes, but I’m talking my unsure, ‘who am I?’ teenager-type-inner child.  When is that going to go away?  I thought it was gone for awhile, but then I stepped into the high school position and I’m constantly reminded of my 15-year-old self all day long.  This is not to say that I didn’t like high school.  Because I did.  A lot.  But when I stand in front of twenty teenagers at a time and then one starts to laugh at something, and then another, and soon you have a whole section of kids that are trying hard not to laugh at something that I just don’t get,  I can’t help but wonder, “oh no, why are they laughing at me?”  To be honest with you, when I was in high school and we were all laughing at something, 99% of the time it was the teacher.  Which is why you can imagine my defensiveness towards the laughter.  However, I was also the type of kid who always thought someone was laughing at me…even if they weren’t.  So this is like a double-whammy for me.  I’d just really like to shed my inner 15-year-old for awhile… I’d take my inner 20-year-old self anyday, though. 

I’ve come to realize that my students think I am a total loser.  I don’t necessarily think I am a total loser, however in the eyes of 15-year-olds, I’m sure I do seem like a total loser.  Last Friday, when one of my students asked me what I was doing that night I replied with excitement, “I’m going grocery shopping!”  Hey, it was the first payday of the year, and my cupboards were BARE!!!  Not so cool to a freshman, though.  Also, to further prove my point of loserdom, when asked what kind of vehicle I drive I responded with my current vehicle of the Chevy Equinox.  Not a super cool car, but not completely dorky either…until they saw me driving home and pointed out that my Equinox is adorned with numerous stickers from trips to the  doctor and dentist.  (My children’s doing, not mine.)  My best friend and I were talking a few months ago about how predictable our lives are; how our students probably wouldn’t be stunned to find out any info on us.  We don’t have super juicy secrets, we’re not thrill-seekers where we bungee-jump or skydive.  We don’t even go out anymore unless you count “Kids Eat Free” nights at local restaurants!  My husband plays basketball on Tuesday nights.  My children are involved in hockey, baseball, and skating lessons.  My downtime (ha!) is spent either going to the gym or reading.  That’s right, reading.  The one thing that most teenagers dread and avoid at all costs.  I must admit I love to read People Magazine and Us Weekly, which keeps me up on the Britney and Lindsey gossip, however I’m really considering taking up some super cool hobby so my students will not view me as their dorky old English teacher.  Maybe I’ll trade in the Equinox for a Harley–that should do it.   

Well, it was the first day of school today and all went very well.  The kids were great and I think some may have been actually happy to see me again!  What a change from their middle school days!  I can’t believe what a difference just a few years can make in regards to maturity.  I really thought I was losing my mind  for a good three months last year when I had six classes of seventh graders.  Now, I see former students who could have easily pushed me off the edge and plunged me straight down into the depths of all-out insanity, and now they are so NICE!  They’re courteous, well-mannered, respectful, funny, smart, and much much taller.  I’m so glad I took the risk of changing grade levels and leaving my comfort zone.  It would have been so easy to stay where I was, content with what I was doing, and feeling like my place in education was  ”good enough.”  It was a scary thought to pack up my room, leave my colleagues that I had grown so comfortable with, move to the high school where I had to scrap all of my former plans and start from scratch.  It was something I almost didn’t pursue just because I was so darn comfortable.  I know, even from day 1 today,  that this was absolutely the right thing to do, even if it will lead to occasional moments of  uncomfortable-ness.  (And I mean that literally.  It was probably close to 95 degrees in my room today.  Really uncomfortable.)  Sometimes even us non-risk takers need to take some risks!